Why I do what I do

During a time out from my investment banking career, I gave birth to 2 beautiful boys in 2002 and 2005. I set up MotherNeeds and run it full time. Life was going pretty good, considering I was able to watch my children grow from the comforts of my office (at home). The best part of it was of course, the immediate access to my breastfeeding children, without any need to express my breastmilk at work, and being able to dictate my own work schedule and decide when to call it a day.

In April 2006, my previous employer offered me a return to banking. In the following month, I succumbed to the temptation of a stable income stream, and a jump start back into a career that would otherwise pose high barriers of entry.

Whilst it was comforting to be drawing a stable salary again, my long working hours took a toll on my health, family and MotherNeeds. I had to split what little time and energy I had left, between my family and running MotherNeeds.

I realized as well, that I had missed seeing my second son, Joshua, through his milestones (his first steps, first words). I did not know his likes or dislikes, and was no longer the first person he would turn to when he was fearful. I realized that many fellow co-workers who are mothers also had to contend with the same feelings of inadequacy, rejection and emptiness as I was having. One mother even told me helplessly, "when you are a working mother, some things you just gotta give".

My exhaustion and stress from work depleted me of my breastmilk supply, and gave me mastitis; causing a rapid end to my beautiful breastfeeding relationship. I was robbed of the one thing I had left - the bond we have with breastfeeding. I missed my old days running MotherNeeds full time from home, and being able to tend to the needs of my children, before I re-entered the work force.

A year later, I switched to a different line in banking, in hopes of more family-friendly hours. That, and even a final conversion to a part-time employment arrangement, did not serve much help. I was still either unable to leave my banking desk on time, or had to attend to business calls or work from home (after my official working hours). I concluded that the nature of my job just wasn't suited for a part-time arrangement. Things were just not working out as well as it should.

I finally straightened my priorities, and saw the end to my banking career. I now spend a good amount of time teaching my children and running MotherNeeds. I no longer had the fatigue to rob me of my patience when my children misbehave. My children are certainly welcoming of the positive change in me - back to the patient mom that appreciates them for the kids they are (they grow up too fast anyway, so why not enjoy them for what they are now?).

With my return home (running MotherNeeds full time again!), I was again able to raise my child with my values, my way. Being home again the second time around felt even more right, as I invest my time and energy on our children during these important years. Afterall, isn't that what all child advocates emphasize when it comes to quality care during their most important formative years. Ask ourselves this: if my boss lets me work flexible hours, allowing me to go to the office at my convenience, as long as the job gets done, wouldn't we rather be spending it with our children at home? If your answer is yes, talk to your employer about your plans. You wouldn't know if you haven't tried. If you agree that our presence and quality attention play a crucial role in our children's lives, it's time for you to reassess your priorities too.

Take charge of your life. Work comes and goes. When we perform well, we get rewarded with a bonus and possibly a promotion…plus added responsibilities (read: work)! Really, what's more important? A child that will fill our lives with joy and stick by us for the rest of our lives? One whose life you can mould and see the fruits of your love and labor when he grows up righteous, holding the very values you have inculcated? Or a career opportunity that may seem "golden" right now? Fit your work around your family, not the other way around. That's what I'm doing now. It may sound unconventional or even naïve, but aren't our children worth the try? I may make it sound easy because I don't report to anyone, I run my own business. I'm not saying it's easy in the beginning, but I do say It Can Be Done. I took the plunge. And so can you, if you put your heart and mind to it.

I straightened my priorities. Family comes first. When you've gotten your priorities clear, it helps you stay focused. I chose to do a business that can let me spend time with our sons. I chose it because it is a legacy I can build and eventually hand over to my children. My ultimate goal is to achieve financial freedom, while tending to my child's needs, knowing that I'll be there whenever he needs me. Anytime of any day. Not only when they are ill and require me to take a day off from work, if I had chosen the "career" path back in the work force.

If my story has touched you in any way, do yourself a favor. Take time to think of what matters most. Explore the options available to you. What's holding you back? From the day we've become mothers. It's no longer about us. Whatever we do, we do it for our children. If you have a question for me or a story to share, do drop me an email. I hope my story has contributed to your life in a positive manner. I wish you all the best in parenting and many fruitful years with your family!